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Linda and Sara's Blog
Sara
—Sunday, October 05, 2003
We spoke at a great event at the "21 Club" on Wednesday, and we were delighted by the strong response to our material. Both men and women around the room were nodding emphatically as we spoke, and afterwards one man said, "there's a massive waste of women's talent in this country." Another said, "great to see 'plain speak' and incisive strategic thinking combined" (this was a business group). Many of the men talked about their daughters, who are just entering the workforce and how much they want them to have access to every opportunity their male peers enjoy and get recognized and rewarded for their talents. "How do we get the word out to the people who most need to hear it?" one woman asked, "the young women in their '20s who don't think they have a problem?" We gave her several answers: One starts with parenting that socializes girls to assert their own needs and ambitions more freely; the second involves everyone who reads the book talking about it to their peers and juniors to help disseminate the ideas and information it contains, and the third could be achieved by large companies with a commitment to gender equity in their organizations buying the book for their employees. We hope all of this will begin to happen. One woman at the talk last week said, "The work you're doing is tremendously important." We hope a lot of people agree.
Linda
—Friday, September 26, 2003
I gave our book to one of my colleagues at work. Here's what she said:
"I've read half of your book and love it! It really sucks you in - nice balance of theory and stories. Incredibly accessible to the many women who need it. I have ordered more copies for friends. What a great service you've done us!"
Linda
—Monday, September 08, 2003
Here's an email from a woman who attended a talk I gave earlier this year. She saw an article about Women Don't Ask and wrote to me:
"It reminded me to thank you for the talk you gave ... I was just starting to negotiate a salary for an internal promotion at [company name]. Your points helped me to set a target."
"Actually, my husband said, "Ask for $xxx." My first reaction was that I couldn't ask for that because it was too much. But I convinced myself that it was justified. As the negotiations with my new boss and his manager continued over the spring, I stuck to my guns. Of course, I finally got my figure. I don't think I'd have been as determined and convinced mself if it hadn't been for your talk."
Linda
—Wednesday, September 03, 2003
We are getting a lot of email from women who have read media stories
about Women Don't Ask. Our ideas really seem to resonate with their experiences.
Here is an excerpt of an email we got from a woman in London describing
her experiences with women entrepreneurs who are seeking funding for their
enterprises:
"For many years, I have argued that women get what women ask for and women
don't ask for enough. Nor do they know how to ask. I believe that just
as men aren't given the vocabulary to say "sorry" as boys, girls aren't
given the words to (1)ask for what they want (girls who put themselves
forward are shunned by other girls -- who does she think she is) and particularly
(2) aren't given the financial vocabulary to talk money. Nice girls don't
talk about money. Only prostitutes ask for money."
Sara
—Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Last week Linda and I talked to a woman who said, "a colleague of mine and I would have been perfect interview subjects for your book. I've been given performance reviews that say I'm great at my job but I'm a little too aggressive. My colleague, who is male and somewhat soft-spoken, has received reviews saying that HE's great at his job, he's just not aggressive enough." She was convinced—and we are too—that if their behavior were reversed, if he were the more aggressive one and she were more soft-spoken, they would have received better reviews and their work would have been more fairly evaluated, because their behavior would have conformed more comfortably to our society's expectations for male and female behavior.
Sara
—Tuesday, September 02, 2003
On August 7, in response to news that the book was coming out, I received
this message from a friend who lives in England now but used to live in
Boston and hire singers for Boston Symphony Orchestra performances:
"I remember when I was managing the Cantata Singers we put on a production
of the St. Matthew Passion, which has about a dozen or so solo roles.
It struck me then— and changed how I handle my own negotiations forever
after—the gender differences re: money. All the men, and I mean ALL then
men, had some reason or another why the fee I was offering them was too
little and they all got more money than I initially offered (I had allowed
budget for this). And ALL the women, when I made my initial fee offer,
TO A WOMAN, said, 'Oh. Okay.' And they all got less than they could have."
